Today i got a lesson from MOE, bout stupids stuffs, hmmm, i feelin so damn, holdin on and puttin up a brave front n being happy but feel so miserable.

Last night, a frenz of mine call me or should i say early this mornin? eh, but to me, he is more den a frenz, juz tt i din tell him, callin me tellin me he is sad, wan someone to talk to, yet he is abit drunk~ but den again, i know he is sad n unhappy, i wan to cheer him up, try counsil him to no vaild.

So i tell him, he can always tell him his prob, i believe he know tt, but he say tt he don wan say out as he is scared tt he may cry out, and he don wan to cry, i ask him treat me as a guy, but he said tt the more he wont cry out in front of guy, den i ask him treat me like a little child, he reply sayin tt little children also will know tt ur cryin so at witend, i tell him to treat me like a baby, as baby are so innocent n they know nth(or do they know all but donno how to show it?) he juz laugh at it.

He hang up sayin he got a msg comin in n he cant msg n talk on his lousy phone at the same time, i agree n waited for him, but he nv called back, so damn worried. I entertain myself, sayin he will be fine, as he is a grown-up, or maybe he has fallen aslp? tt even beta, i really hope he will tell me wat happen.

This world, alots of ppl who claim tt their heart are make of stone are the most fragil~, everyone is make of meat n flesh n nerves system which have feelin n emotion, who went to pain. But den, no pain, no gain, a brave front is good, but all the time is tiring, needa a break too.

Why m i talkin bout him? cuz i care, he may nv haven a chance nor know i have this blog here but who care? i juz needa to say it out~ i wan him to know i care alot bout him, but i juz wont tell him.

Carin is good, is nice, its sweet, to care for a person n support wat rite n help him in need, but silent care is tough, real tough, he may not know but who are, u willin to help him in the dark, secretly, knowin he is well is fine even if he nv will know bout it~ as tt always the fact as u hide it from him.

Parents too, they care bout u, but they juz don wan to say it out, they care in different ways~ unqiue, u may think they are bias, unfair, mad, watever u wan say but in the end, its for ur own goods, yet they are special cases.

Today i cant even have a proper lunch, nor can i have peace when eatin or doin thingy at all, damn upset, pissed off. BUt its make great sense, i bring it onto myself, as least tt wat i tot, though i don wan admit but cant they juz shutup awhile?

Mami werid, ask me go out with frenz don always stay at home, frenz date u, go out n walk walk, but at 10pm, she will start callin n scold me for not being home yet, i know cuz she worried, she care, but den again, why ask me go out in the first place? contridicting huh... but why i juz so dislike it? i know she care yet i m angry at it, maybe cuz the method used is wrong, givin in at times, but hope she may used other method, too much happenin will affect ur moods regardless how u try to ignore or avoid it~!

Will you ever notice me...

Friday, March 03, 2006

5:45:00 PM

Feel so empty n weird early this mornin and cant slp at all, look at my hp and scroll thru the phone book, comin across a name call Li Hong Sheng, memories return, a real big brother, who give me enlightenment, though i like to suan him but always end up losin but its fun but he really can kai dao me, he can do it, make me think, its been a very long time since i last talk to him, it make real sense, maybe i really think too far, only think of consequences n not if i success in doin it.

Today the jae postin is out, i used last year result n give it a try, but i got more disappointment, i din get posted to any sch, should i continue in millennia insitute(bartley) or juz quit sch? i hate studyin n i hate commerce too, but choices are not much, feel so confuse n lost, so damn empty inside my heart, so sleepless at night.

Problem may be i create myself as i feel so problematics, but why all this happenin to me, i know life is unfair, as it nv always fair, i care too much, i worried too much, why bother to care bout it, sometime, juz pretend nth happen n ignore, but sometime, someone character cuz something to happen or how u handle matter, but it also make it seem like i m runnin away from problem, why everything seem wrong? so jing dui liang nan?

Hate being a problematics child, actually, who will like to be one, they have no choice, sometime, its aint a choice, its fate n destiny, though u may change them but its may not be so all the times, frenz tend to leave too, as not everyone can accept it, everyone is different but ti also give a chances to know who are ur real frenz, who really last, u nv know, nv judge a book by its cover, so damn dangerous n untrue~

Will you ever notice me...

Thursday, March 02, 2006

6:23:00 PM

Never forget to love the one dearest to you. Always treasure thingy, regeardless of wat, before you lost it and start to regret it~

To love someone is to bless her and not hangin on to her, its a blessin to be a frenz to someone den a boyfrenz at time, where relationship is simpler and can last, with its pureness~

Why do ppl like to jio a gal? Sayin so can love her more n pamper her, when most of the time is a lie? does the pharse 'I LOVE YOU' have anymore meanin or izzi juz a pharse said by guys?

Do u all know the simplest meanin of love? it has a lot of different interpretation dependin on how u look at it. who say only bgr can have meanin of love, how bout brotherly love? frenzship love? Aint its have the most simplest meanin of happiness? which can be easy yet so tough?

Share a song with you, hope you get some understandin~



你看起来不太开心 谁困扰了你
让你的眼神看来有些悲哀
有多严重 你和他之间 到了不可收拾的局面了吗

我看起来也不太好 我当然知道
因为你的表情让我很心疼
你不了解 我和你之间
只是爱上了不爱我 却又在乎（他）的人

应该挑拨你和他 我想这是最好的时机
只是当你哭着说你还爱他 不忍离开他
我竟努力扮演你和他之间的和事佬

应该劝你离开他 可是我却怎么也做不到
因为当你笑着说我最好了 是你知心朋友
我不敢也没有勇气告诉你 别把我当朋友
想做你的情人

here is one more song~



你的心情总在飞
什么事都要去追
想抓住一点安慰
你总是喜欢在人群中徘徊
你最害怕孤单的滋味
你的心那么脆,一碰就会碎
经不起一点风吹 你的身边总是要许多人陪
你最害怕每天的天黑
但是天总会黑,人总要离别
谁也不能永远陪谁
而孤单的滋味,谁都要面对
不只是你我会感觉到疲惫
当你孤单你会想起谁
你想不想找个人来陪
你的快乐伤悲只有我能体会
让我再陪你走一回
你的心情总在飞,什么事都要去追
想抓住一点安慰,
你总是喜欢在人群中徘徊
你最害怕孤单的滋味
你的心那么脆,一碰就会碎
经不起一点风吹
你的身边总是要许多人陪
你最害怕每天的天黑 但是天总会黑,人总要离别,
谁也不能永远陪谁
而孤单的滋味,谁都要面对,
不只是你我会感觉到疲惫
当你孤单你会想起谁
你想不想找个人来陪
你的快乐伤悲,只有我能体会
让我再陪你走一回

Will you ever notice me...

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

6:29:00 PM

Wow, nice picture rite? well, drawn by a frenz of mine, (my favourite bell) this is a character call belldandy, but i ask him to draw one juz speacially for me n he did, this is his artwork, wanna to put it up to share with you guys who did read my blog, well, i think noone would read it, but den again, i still wan to put it up...

well, ytd, a days of surprises and full of ups and downs. as usual, i cant slp the day before, slpin at mornin like 4plus 5plus den wakey in the mornin feelin slpy so took awhile more nap which by den normally is 12 noon, lol... gosu rite.

As it is my xiao mei(frenz) last day of work, i plan to go down bugis but donno at wat time la, but i also kinda dislike going down og albert, those got lotsa lovely frenz who i like to visit but also scare and don like visit there.

But i left my house at afternoon and meet my other frenz first, mami was like, still don wan to go out, so late le, wat time u going out, i was feelin so confuse, why she sound like wan to chase me go out? okok, back to topic, i met my frenz at ps, let skip those rubbish detail but we also went to watch final destination3 gross show, kinda scary too.

Den i left for bugis, i also call up glen korkor( another frenz) we went together, and meet tt xiaomei, after we went for supper at lao pa sao, with other frenz, out of them, there is two of my pri sch or more of childhood frenz, who stay near each other, wow, saw Jun Ji~ used to stay at my blk n my playmate but tt was all in the past.
but something crop up, i got stress up too, i left halfway.....

I know tt there are ppl who really care bout me and wanna help, i can feel it, i know it, yet....... i m gone like de wind forever lost in a land of mine, truely in need of help, but donno where to start, ****** leave me alone, i m scare. HOW?~! =S
tt where prob begin~! i m so confuse, lost, helpless, sometime is not u don wan to share but scare n donno how to share, even if u did share, they may not really understand it, its hard to make ppl understand, its juz so complicated... noone can really help except you, only you can help youself, if u give up, its total useless, but thanx for the courage though, thanx for stayin ther, but i still feel so empty.

Will you ever notice me...