*[[ Angel full of Lღve]]*

~~Monday, March 20, 2006~~

4:59:00 PM

HAiz, from ytd till today i been juz so sad, so depress, wth, why? Childish me, ediot me, control la, don i know juz how to 'REN' TOLERATE la... haiz, but i m going to burst le la!!! max hit point... warnin warnin.

haha, juz being lame i hope, so lame, so cold, so... sad, so empty, juz why can anyone tell me? I don think ther is any song to describe my feelin now.

Who can take all the attack at a go? a big fall? i know that i have always been quarrelin with my mami... haiz, got scolded for usin phone, use lesser, but she know why i use phone? cuz i juz feel soo lonely n empty, so out of place. So alone and stuck and loveless...

Was talkin to someone eh... impt... den she come fuckin at me... haiz, was so sda.. my heart so achin, nvm, i juz go into the room. den at 3am, i will still readin books, dial up my frenz as i say i wan to wake him up and go pee... to disturb him... till 5am, i still cant sleep, still thinkin, my family, my life, my stuffs ba, at mornin bout 7plus... my mami take the key and come in and start fuckin me, juz so nice, i was on the phone with my 'qiang bi' ( to me, he have reach a point where qualify to be a pal where i can share my prob... wish him luck in jioin the gal he like ^^)

he know tt i cant control soon, burstin soon, if he din stop me, i will really be roarin back at my mami and there will be war world III. i cri-ed. haiz, so heartache, heard tt my mami is sobbin... complain, railin... why sia... ask me mop-floor... watever, say i useless... keep shoutin n scoldin, den say my bro n pull me in too... i m going to burst, really going to....

I took my key, wallet and hp n juz go out of my hse door, the look on my bro face is, fear, shock, hard to use words to explain, i saw it for the first time, he was stunt-ed. He don even dare to breathe a word. My mami juz yell ' Go la go la! best is elop with ur bf and don come home la!' My heart so pain, so achin, I went out n i juz went to a staircase and take a sit, was wonderin where i should go, should i run away from home? once n for all, kinda childish, hopin i can cool down soon, my head is so giddy and pain, going blank, so blank soon, all i see is red colour, nth but red... knockin out soon.

I almost when to hide at my frenz hse but i don wan bother anyone... wat for? its my prob rite, later mami will like, u make me lose face, haiz... Maybe juz dial for an ambulance as i feel like faint soon, real soon, almost cs-ed sia... SO childish of me, but i m still a child, aint i?

I return home at bout afternoon time, saw them playin comp game, haiz, wat else can i say, i juz go into my room, wat next, i donno, as i juz all black-out. i heard my hp ringin, i donno the no, so strange, head so pain, so blur... feel so sick and weak...I juz need love... care or concern but i m desperate for LOVE!!!

I was scold-ed by my koren kor kor... hmmm, should be scold, but i cant take it... i m still so blur, mami now out to fetch my bro. Think my movie outin for today will be cancel ar... haiz, once again, cancel...

Will you ever notice me...