*[[ Angel full of Lღve]]*

~~Tuesday, September 26, 2006~~

4:21:00 PM

Two days ago, i make my 'it' very very angry with me. Its struck me that i will lost 'it' once n for all, i m so scare, so sad, i don wan to lost 'it'. Its too impt to me, it meant so much. I like it too much to ever lost it. But its all my fault for hiding something from 'it', n not being truthful as i nv tell 'it'. I don dare to tell 'it' for fear tt he will be angry but 'it' found out all the same. I have nv seen 'it' so angry n so cold. I know 'it' wan the whole truth, nth but the whole truth. I tell 'it' the truth which i think is the whole but 'it' don believe its everything, 'It' say give me till tml to call 'it' n tell 'it' but 'it' also stated tt the longer i drag, the more 'it' wont believe it. I cant stop myself from cryin, cux the fact tt i may 'it' it struck me n i m so terribly scare. I don wan it to happen cux i love 'it' alot alot. Explainin don help me anyway, even if i beg 'it', its wont work, there is nth else tt i can do, i cant stop my tear which is fallin so uncontrollablely. I keep repeatin i don wan to lost 'it'. Finally 'it' did forgive me. I wont keep thingy from 'it' anymore. nth is worst den losing 'it'. Everything can be share n deal with between me n 'it'.

On tt very day, i heard tt mike(corrupter) is in the hospital.

Today, i heard from 'it' tt there is a work for 'it' startin from tml onward, well on wat 'it' share with me, i think, the pay aint too bad, but the workin hour seem abit long. I fear tt 'it' might over work, will heartpain wor..... but no work, no pay, so its still good tt 'it' got a job. So ahppy for 'it'..... jux hope tt 'it' will rmb to keep a small little time to pei me ^^ Tt jux a small little hope, cux i mux be understandin n cannot be too greedy de ma..... Oh ya, i cant be too dependant on 'it' also.... hehe, not a good thing, so i mux change. (*';'*)

Will you ever notice me...

~~Thursday, September 21, 2006~~

12:34:00 PM

Today is the fourth day of 'it' range, and tml 'it' will be home. Wow, tt so great, cux i miss him so damn much.

haix, ytd he bring the truth to me.... which i has benn hidin, for a stupid fear of mine, or can i can say horror. I admit i pai chi nu shen and dui nu shen you pian jian. You cant blame me for my stupid past, n all i can say is i m suay to have tt as my past. The pain n misery, i wonder who will ever understand, although ppl jux say forget it, so childish, nth one la, all those bullshit, but maybe if u went thru all those angrony, all those incident, u all understand the pain behind it.

As always, its easy to say den do............. time is needed, but i needed 'it' as well, maybe more den ever i guess, well, should i jux say, i treasure 'it' alot!!!

Jux my frenx msg me on msn out of sudden, its tt same old guy, i really pity him but why is he so stupid. doing this, its hurt, even as a frenx, but my 'it' suspect its a lie........ photo i seen, he explain too, i m so confuse, maybe i should jux care less ba...... oooooo rite now he msg me again, i beta go reply me, so i will continue other times ba ^^

Weee, shinigami is now rank 2, for some time le, n ytd, we are mid-scale ^^ so happy!

Will you ever notice me...

~~Wednesday, September 13, 2006~~

12:39:00 PM

I feel like a jerk last time, been so horrible n mean, so childish, so unreasonable, wanting everything by my ways. But it jux cant be help!!! dislike mean dislike, don make start hating someone all over again. I have my own reason, why cant some ppl understand?

I hate him, i do dislike him, i dislike him cux he keep his hero, i dislike him cux when i lag, my 'it' has to offer a pill cux his hero die, i dislike when they suddenly share cost, i know 'it' is tryin to protect me, but i feel so useless, so weak, i mean its my fault rite, why 'it' has to pay? 'it' aint tt rich. I hate it most when he order me ard, order me to do thingy!!!!

I quarrel with 'it' again, i wonder how many time, it make me feel so bad, it make me slpless, it make me feel guilty. it make me so confuse, so mix up with wat my mind actually wan. I hate quarrelin with 'it'!!!! I swear!

I feel so sick ( ok, i m sick mentally n physically NOW) So sick of everything single thingy. hopin it doesn't exist. maybe i m the root of the prob, maybe if i din exist, there wont be such a prob. maybe, jux maybe.

I have enuff of everyone, ok almost everything except 'it'. i jux wish tt either i jux disappear or, i can jux hide, hide in a small small corner where not a single soul can find me. where i can be alone, so alone.......... tt i m almost invisible. but maybe there is a small room to spare, tt i can bring 'it' along, but it all my wishful thinkin huh. nvm, its ok..... its good to have dream.

Last time i have a fearful dreams. though i know it will nv happen, but its still freak the daylight out of me. i suddely have this tots, maybe, jux maybe, i m jux a stupid LOSER afterall. nth but a LOSER!!!!

(drifting slowly to my own world, so fragil, so alone, with the memories of 'it' fearin tt one day 'it' may leave me, cux of wat happen, n my stupid attitute which i have my own reason..... haix....)

Weeee my guild is No4. and one more good news is tt, it is rank 4 ^^V

I also got a sad new, my clan, shinigami is offically disband, i wonder wat really happen, why wont anyone tell me??!!!! anyway xMusiCa is going away now, n nv comin back, useless maybe holiday but chances are slim........

Will you ever notice me...