*[[ Angel full of Lღve]]*

~~Monday, October 30, 2006~~

8:18:00 PM

LIE {How to tell whether its a lie or a white lie (a harmless lie to make someone happy or stop someone from being sad) its so hard to tell the diff.

ARGH, sometime u are at a lost of who to believe!!!

Next point, why do i have such a fuck-ed family, ppl who love to shout n shout, wonder when will i go deaf? Includin my little bro, i feel so out of place.... Wth, wat for give birth to me, even if i did help, she also say i din, she is jux so against me la, stop being so bitch la.... ( i got help do housework, when she hot, she will anyhow say that i din help at all, i feel so frustrated, sometime say take back every single cent, did she even give me a cent? NEVER! Everytime ask me go work, cant i have some freedom, enjoy abit??? WHY SHE SO CONTROL??? *don she know tt if u hold the string too darn bloody tight, its will snap?*)

How n when will ever get used to this type of dumb ass-life? Even if one day i did, i think i m gettin stronger n stronger each day, M i right to say that noone can really understand me? Well, u may don agree, but i don need anyone to agree with me anymore lor. Being alone give me peace at mind now, though i also feel lonely, but i rather feel lonely den feel so alienated.

ONe example, like now tt i m bloggin, she is peekin behind me, shoutin non stop, ask me hurry cux she wan use the god damn comp, till 3am! say wat teach my bro, she is a bitch lor, But she wan rush me, cant she even use her goldfish brain tt when she shout, she wil break my trance of tots?

This thu, there going to be a outing with some of my frenx ^^ well, today i heard tt my grandpa from m`sia come to singapore.... haix, nowadays, after i heard some stuffs, i don really know how to face some ppl... haix, i bear grudges? maybe? but how can i forgive someone who did some a bitchy thingy? scold my whole guild till like tt? DON EVER LET ME BLACKLIST U! or u will regret it de!!!!
ARGH, cant stay her shoutin, sometime jux wish i m deaf, forget it, give her use, curse it!!!!! fix the other bloody comp la!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! everything also blame me, even my bro prob, no wonder even my bro think i nice to bully n bully me..... Haix, don wan blog le.... log off now~

Will you ever notice me...

~~Saturday, October 28, 2006~~

8:44:00 PM

學會放開﹐ 從新再來。希望在人間﹐ 只要別放棄﹗

I m gettin more n more like a lost little sheep, its like as if, one choice is link with another. I m hurtin those ppl surrounding me.
My mami is makin me cant think straight at all, yellin non stop at the top of her voice, ventin her bloody anger on me =~ (think sooner or later, its either i go deaf, or i will be send to metal insititute sia or even worst, went to see ryuk*shinigami*)

ARGH! i really hate my freakin damn intuition, its always so accurate. But, there is nth wrong, its not a bad thingy, why do i even fear of it?
Hey comeon, its a good thingy ^^ happy joyful~ why i fear? why i scare? Well, i startin to hate choices, startin to fear cross section.....
Hmmmm, wondering deeper, can a *person* make u n ur good frenx de relationship break? Hope not, frenxship is forever de, aint it? It aint worthy. It will make the person damn guilty also... Although thingy are happenin without control, but den again, its should have been prevented rite?

Hahahaha, in life its always like this de la, the one u like, will always either no feelin for u, or changes happen or they will 往往 hurt u de most. And the one tt u least expected will like u. Its always too sudden, too fast, makin ppl choose wrongly, its take time to think bout it, but if ur mind is already in a swirl? aint its 更難? Feelin cant be control? (i don believe so) 命運﹐ 往往都在 tease ppl. Do we hold the fate? or is fate controllin us? I leave it to destiny ba, time shall tell all, i hope. I don wan to go to a conclusion too fast. Or end up, i might hurt myself n others as well, n worst of all, i will regret >.<

Crushes are short.... Move on..... let all move on in life, time wont stop for u, nor anyone, the world wont stop too.... Certain thingy, u cant choose, while other u can, but pls think deeply, don do thingy in a rush anymore.

Wan start sch soon le, haix, mami keep force me find work, i wan spend abit more time to know them beta, to know ppl more well, haix, time is restricted, so i need make full use.... my heart is swaying.... i m confuse. I m going to stop it n stone it, while i judge le..... I don like ppl waitin for me.....

Will you ever notice me...

~~Wednesday, October 25, 2006~~

9:57:00 PM

OMG!!! i whole day blur like sotong, i no longer know wat m i doing le.... =~~~~~~~~~~
I gettin more n more fan, I losin control of myself bits n bits daily... Its time he need a wake up calls.

Why? Wat really happen?? Why suddenly so cold? Even as frenx, u cant talk anymore??? WHY ignore me? wat wrong did i do?

U aint first day knowin me, no matter how busy i m, i will reply, when ppl find me, i will reply, there is no such excuses as busy de lor!!! DON HAVE! In fact, u are more busy den me. =( wat going on, can someone keep me update? Why givin me fake concern? SO wat i do silly thingy, i admit i did it, Wan try till i landed in hospital den u will wake up? I don shoot ppl till so directly le, somemore its u, somemore who i care alot. CAN U BLOODY WAKE UP??

I m startin to regret..... really alot, why u? why mux it be u who did this to me? even if wan kill me, give me a reason, so i know, u don even wan let me die with peace. GIvin me more n more qn marksssss. If i din choose him, n i choose RAM, maybe it will be a total diff story now, but no point regreting. Have to face the music, everyone have to. Choices are being make by me. There is no time machine. Maybe i should invent one ^^ actually, why do i have all those dumb idea, death cant solve prob, it only leave prob to those who are still alive... But why do ppl still wan do it....??

Omg, do u know tt shinigami name is call ryuk? n he love to eat apple, he is so cute~~~~~~~

My heart gettin colder n colder, its gettin stone, n gettin heartless, its jux into so many pieces n bits, till i don even know, its tt jux dust on the flo0r or is it my heart. Wat have i done to receive this type of treatment.
I m going to be mean n don care bout anyone or anything le, who die also not my prob le, going to learn to be more selfish le.... NO MORE ANGEL LE!!! Environment n happenings can change a person.... lonely, so wat?

Will you ever notice me...

~~Wednesday, October 18, 2006~~

7:31:00 PM

My heart was so broken, on sat midnight, make my tears roll non stop, the one whom i tot wont hurt me at all, hurt me the most deeply, but who else can i blame for this tragic, noone but myself. I bring it to myself. Why does thingy always end up that way?
Maybe the song above, will discribe how i feel, wat i should do.
*haha, can u imagine? i m so dumb enuff to actually hurt myself, argh, why i do it? actually, i also donno why i do it. haix*

On Monday, i went out with my kor n my frenx, den tt night, i went out with my guild de ppl, wow, even DL n LF ppl also come, got two, hmm, i donno which guild de... but tt night, was kinda fun, BUT THE BAD THINGY IS TT, they keep mention him, keep ask me bout him, at each mention, my heart bleed more n more and it feel more n mroe pain, as if, at each speak of his name, a knife is stab into me. Well, so be strong...
*Chaosdoom, babyhealist, (both)xiaoyaozizai, tomato, chirs, kor, akron, spmort, gaara.*

My mind is so confuse. I suddenly have so many bad tots, omg, i know got ppl stay by me, but i still feel lost.... i feel empty, i m hurt real deep. where m i now? where the old me? where?????

Even my sch (MI) send my parents letter le, all ask me to settle it myself, why cant they jux kick me out, i don wan care anymore, don wan care bout anything anymore!

Will you ever notice me...

~~Wednesday, October 11, 2006~~

4:55:00 PM

Human are so stupid!!!!!!!! Why do we drink the poison when we know tt it is a poison? Love is like a incurable illnesss, like a poison, once u got it, there is no antidote. But there are sweetness, bitterness, sadness, jealousy, and so many more....

But its so weird, how come u still can feel so much feelin when ur heart is stolen, don we feel with our heart? Why is there still tears? Even when the heart is stolen? I know mine is stolen... But i m feelin shattered.

Doing something, don need that other party to know. You meant well, u wan to help him, wan to do thingy for him, but sometime it cux misunderstandin, its so torture. :'(

Haix, today i almost disown my in-game mami n papa, its so upseting, its like, pls don give me bull-shit reason. You wan console me, get ur fact first, pls don contridict urself. Don blame me when i get evil n mean, i can do alot of thingy, face also don give u!

DON EVER OFFEND ME!!!!!

Is thingy really so hard? I m curious, can love is choosen? Or did it jux come? Did i love too easy? Why do i wan to love yet scare? Is it really so painful n hurtin only? Someone give me some answer, i m reachin the limit, of breakin down le..... PLS~~~~~~ help me, someone~~~

Will you ever notice me...

~~Monday, October 09, 2006~~

4:25:00 PM

Did or have you ever notice, in ur life, there is qn which u wanna know the answer but yet u fear of wat the answer is n not ready to accept certain answer? Well, i believe everyone will have tt days.

Nvm all those at least i know tt B+B will have O at times...

And well, i got the answer from 'it' kinda sad but yet. there is hope... hmmm, it make me feel weird... i donno how should i react to it. but in front of him, i will sure be fine ^^ afterall cant be greedy ma, be happy with wat u have.... be easy to be content, make me a more happy gal ^^. Let times decide, cux i m scare too, scare of gettin hurt, everything is going nowhere.

moreover i donno 'it' well, got more time to get to understand 'it' and somemore now he is workin, so busy, but at times i feel neglected but its ok, 'it' is tired due to work... and cant concentrate, 'it' even told me, due to work, 'it' get short temper easy... at least i still got hope, at least i still got 'it'.... Come on, let not be too greedy, *smile my gal* =)

mux slp early, don get sick, don let ppl worry (u can do it de rite?) [i sure can] haix.... {i wan get over my slpless nights}

Is tt jian wang a threat to 'it', hahaha 'it' answer, i donno should i laugh or cry.... well at least i feel more comfort. Mean 'it' still is impt.

Will you ever notice me...

~~Sunday, October 08, 2006~~

8:39:00 PM

I grab at stars,
sweeping my hand across the heavens,
hanging onto sharp chunks of hope
that cut my palm.
carefully, eagerly I pry open
my fingers
and find I have captured
only silvers of darkness.

Hai, feelin so rather empty, n green with envy, but wat for, been kinda moody, but why do i even care. Nah, maybe i do, maybe i don. but how does it matter anyway?

Feelin so insecure..... jux hopin for an answer, is it so hard? well, i doubt so, its jux a matter of tellin of not. It also all depend on how i look at it too. So wat if they aint really mine?
But seriously is there any answer of can "B+B=O" ? Maybe yes. maybe no.... even a doc may not know.

recently, i heard tt one of my frenx is gettin married, wow so fast... know for a few months only..... (loves & fates) well wish them all the best i guess.... sweet lucky couple... haha

but i also heard tt, my from got scammed by his so-call frenx. well, tt gal got close to him n he started to trust her, well, end up, she scam them out of their money n stuffs.... Even her bf donno her whereabout, well maybe they are in it tgt. maybe not. noone know. But lettin her bf know, we got nth to lost. either we lost those item but it may also help us find tt person.....

P.S. 'it' got a job, well we still do chat, but it seem like 'it' is gettin busy n tired due to work. I cant be selfish, but i m kinda feelin neglected. No offend or anything or any meanin. jus wanana say how i feel. Don even know wat our relation. its so unclear. maybe an answer to assure me will be nice. so i feel more secure?

My mami gettin more n more crap up, so unreasonable, but donno wan stat why liao, so bth liao... haix, donno whether she is jux plan bias, or maybe, i jux aint her child to start with. I don even have privacy, also like to threatened me, everything also my fault, got help also say nv help... haix..... She jux like to shout n scream at me ba.... rush me, so fan, make me feel more moody... cant even let me blog... in peace.................

while my little bro, like to add fire n fuel, like to disturb.... nth to say.... school startin soon also.....

i wan hide in my small small world liao la.... frenx? are they even there, well, they aint.... maybe, i should go out more, but with who? noone is ard to go out with me.... stayin at home, is makin me breakin down soon~~~

haix, don wan talk bout it le........................... mami wan snatch comp, if not she wan off main switch or even blame me for other stuffs le........

Will you ever notice me...