*[[ Angel full of Lღve]]*

~~Thursday, May 31, 2007~~

3:35:00 PM

Haiz... after that incident... i felt fearful of my surroundings... but two days ago... i meet db, well, i reach home at 4am... when i got home, i got a shock of my life... my dadi not home, mami say he went out to find me... Oh my... Haiz... cant they trust me? i also wont get lost. why is it when i don need, they come fan me, when i need help, they are nowhere to be found? But that very day, we almost cancel the date, cuz something happen at db home, n bd need rush home... i understand, but db scare i angry, i assure bd, that i not angry... Haha, i m used to being disappointed, but angry... not so easy... But that very day, 'ef' msg me also... say find me tml after work, well... ok, but he know where i work meh? wait till i off? he know wat time i off? somemore so late le... sometime, i really get the creeps.. well, so be it..

Ytd he told me he cant make it, ask me meet today, well... ok lor, wat to say, give me more time to be prepared, haha... i know i make myself fan.. but lately, i been real happy, cus someone been bringin me joy, happiness, but i also know this happiness wont last long... so i enjoy it well i can... haha, cant imagine, someone is more busy den me, when i m already so busy... countin down... three more days of work.... ytd XiaoP is posted to do runner... wow... really can die, think she also lost wt le ar... haha...

eh, wat else i wanna say ar, i kinda forget le, hahaha... sotong me... nvm... listen to song ba...

I rmb le... i got blame for something i nv do... why my parents like to juz point finger n blame me ar? weird weird... haiz... slowly get used to it ba.

Will you ever notice me...

~~Tuesday, May 29, 2007~~

12:47:00 PM

Two days ago... a sun, i workin till closin again... late of course... but i m meetin my frenz after work, but who know, that person end work later den me... Well, we say to meet at the old meetin place, as it is still early, i don wan go there too.. alone wor... so i went to 404 n take a sit, well, there is a tv... bright, n sometime have ppl too... so i sat down, there is two uncle there... one wearin a black shirt, one wearin yellow... look bout 30+, 40+, the one is yellow, is abit bald.. but they look harmless, so i sat down, n rest.. the tv at that time is switch to channel U n its bout news. I sit there while waiting for my frenz, cux there is still bout 1hr plus more... the two uncle were chattin away... den one of them stand up, to switch channel to channel 8 i think, but there is no show, oh before he press, he ask if i wanna watch, i jux smile n shake my head, den later they two talk bout, i think its soccer, den after seein that there is no show, he off the tv... den the two of them walk away, to where, i donno... so i continue sittin there alone... i saw a magazine by my side, so i pick it up, n start browsing...

Bout 11plus, i cant rmb wat time, a uncle suddenly walk over to me, he is almost bald too, wearin a white shirt n a black short.. i rmb my dad have a pair of that type of short too.. well, his white shirt have some print on it, but i donno how to describe, something to do with sport de... but one look, its look cheap la... He speak chinese... askin those... well, let juz say, he is tryin to "da shan" me.. wat generation already, still so bai chi sia... he try to ask for my number yet i keep reject... den he ask, i alone ar, i say no, he ask i waitin for frenz? i say ya, den he ask bf? i quickly say yes.. hoppin to get out of it.. who know, he continue, he askin i work at the factory, i say no... he ask i stay here? i faster say no also... den later on, he finally give up, he give me his number, he write on paper, den give me to... den ask me muz call him, cannot throw away... swt.. how come he got paper n pen? he seem to be prepared sia... He introduce himself as 阿城 n his number is 81917009...

den he keep remind me to call, but i juz don care.. den he walk away... still waitin for my frenz, but i saw him sittin at the next block, i don dare walk away, for fear that he follow me.. so i msg a frenz to call me... he been peaceful n stay away, till maybe 45min to 1hr later, he walk over again... den he keep ask me for my number, den i die also don wan give, he poke me at my shoulder... *poke poke* he say he went for a drink jux now... this time he sit beside me, i smell a strong smell of alcohol on him... i still on the phone with my frenz, somemore i put loudspeaker, den i say uncle, i don wan, cuz that uncle keep ask my number den ask me go for a drink with him, siao one lor, that uncle... nv look in the mirror n think he how old liao.. swt... den he saw i talkin on phone, he keep shh, so sneaky, scare ppl know he ard like that... i aint smart, but i aint that dumb also... my frenz wan come down, but wat for? he can call police, i know.. but wat if that person run away...

Den my mami call also but she donno beside me got a weirdo, den my frenz still haven off work, i keep call my frenz for help.. but i know he workin, cant pick up.. i start to feel alittle scare n panicky le.. but wat to do? i need to act brave n be calm.. Den as he seem to be piss or watever that is, i don really care, i abit scare he will do wat to me, scarly take out a knife, but i m ready to run or fight him back... haha, as he stand up n turn, i walk away, ok, i run la, run the opposite direction, so he cant see me, as i walk to the end of the block, i saw the two uncle, i saw before, as i sit down, i faster approach them n tell them, den ask them for help...

i describe to them, den they follow me to see, but he is not there le, they suspect that uncle belong to block 403... they still joke ard, tell me don scare... n so on... den still say be my bodyguard... lookin at the time, its quite late le, i beta go to my meetin place, so i walk with them, while lookin out for that guai peh peh... den the two of them ask me a few qn, which i juz anyhow answer... they look honest at least, but i also scare of sheep in wolf clothing... they even invite me for tea, say they treat, but i don wan... too freak-out le... juz nice, after that my frenz call... i sigh of relif, but i scold n blame my frenz.. haha.. well, say say only la... but my frenz uncle... When my frenz come, i juz hug my frenz... was so scare lor!!! finally someone ard... i felt safer... but my frenz say i m not smart enuff... can be smart de, den my frenz teach me, cuz my frenz say i forget, my frenz got polis de frenz.. haha... was a scary n close encounter... my frenz also say a 'evil plan' to get revenge... hahaha... but that one, i keep in my mind, don wan share with u all... but i will get back... let me slowly think how...

Will you ever notice me...

~~Friday, May 25, 2007~~

3:17:00 PM

juz one more week... gambateh... my life is now on a turnin point... seriously is... everything juz suddenly sparkle.. it bring joy yet saddness. i m almost smilin everyday.. but which is a real smile? well, i know there are. there really is... cuz i m happy... i really m... n this happiness come from deep within... Haha... juz cuz of 1 sentence i m so happy... well, its juz that someone msg me, yet den, he know its not sincere, so he call n say... haha... rare breds...

Wat in hold for me? i don care anymore. wat come will come, i will await with open arms, n ready for the war... nv look down on me! i will prove u wrong..

I put the cookies in the frigs, it is beta now. haha.. but still can tell, its soft.. nvm, next week i will make again... haiz...

workin sure make my head spin~~~~~~ blur le... hehe... i think i m too emotional.. well, i tend to really think too much eh, but i cant help it, my intuition tend to be too accurate... even i m scare. so trust me pls, pls trust me, when i say it... why wont ppl believe it? Well, its ok, juz don regret it will do... hehe, i m juz so simple... a little too easy to be content n happy... but why do my frenz say its a bad point too?

I know i don like to plan the future, well, not i don like, is there don seem to be a need, why plan so far? let it come n go, be simple. so u will be more happy, aint we? Ppl say i m too innocent n naive, wat they really hintin is sayin i m stupid, but who care? as long as i m happy, rite? i do have some plan, but there aint need to tell ppl. i know i sometime speak before i think, but there are also time, when i purposely say some stuffs... with harm or without, it don matter anymore... cuz, its all the past, so let juz forget it, treasure the present n awaits the future, don we?

Will you ever notice me...

~~Thursday, May 24, 2007~~

7:25:00 PM

Lately, cinderalla known of a bai ma wang zi. ok, know quite long le la... always givin her shen ke de ying xiang... den, today, the impression darn big... super super big!! till now, cinderalla cant swallow the impact. [ was so shock n stunnin today, haiz...] maaf, today my off day, i went out with a frenz, though its only a short while, but i m very happy... How i wish, time juz freeze there... Oh anyway... one more week, juz tolerate for one more week, i know i can, i believe i can... juz support me k, motivate me, n help me on, juz one more week...

Today i make some cookies, but donno why... its nice n crispy when its out of the oven, but juz now when i bring it out to share with a frenz, it kinda turn soft.. well, he still console me, ask me is it suppose to be soft, sob sob... Eeee why like that de... haha, i know he meant well, but i wan it perfect wat. coookkiesss not suppose to be soft leh, den when i go back home, i still got two other small box, i taste it, one of it turn soft, while the other, only semi hard, weird, wat really went wrong, something sure have gone wrong, nvm, i wont give up de! i will jiayou, till the perfect cookies come out, although ppl all say, wat matter is the heart... Zz, wat a way to an wei ppl.. haha...

Will you ever notice me...

~~Sunday, May 20, 2007~~

11:27:00 PM

My energy is drainin, more n more each day... i wonder how long more can i last. although i know that...

Today alot of thing happen to XiaoP.. think wat going thru in her mind is always same as mind ar, juz that i m more lucky, i have some great frenz to support me, so i will support her too... I like the quiet time alone more n more, where i can sit n rest n be quiet.. not talk at all... though i m known to be super noisy n always so happy... but deep down... who know eh?

This mornin, XiaoP, do the wasabi sia.. wow... but sadly, the wasabi bully her, they make her hand so red n swollen, think she got scald by the wasabi... poorthing... Den today, erm, not her day i guess, her tummy hurt alot, but can understand... she is a gal wat!!! So got some time, she went to rest in the toilet. i know how much it hurt, as a gal as well, i understand... The manager juz scoldher n yell, well, she cant really explain or talk much also, n its not a topic which juz can say out of the mouth rite? anyway... The manager ask her to go back, n she say, the manager like got say something like, tml onward don need come le... Haiz, poorthing...

Will you ever notice me...

~~Monday, May 14, 2007~~

1:35:00 PM

奇跡﹐是用來期待﹐還是用賴相信?

Will you ever notice me...

~~Friday, May 11, 2007~~

11:30:00 AM

hehe, i like this magic power, bluey come to sg ytd... haha... but last night, i go this night mare, its still scarin me till now... its so mix of confusion, i know wat is going on, wat is happenin, yet people are kinda different...

Today i suppose to meet someone in the noon before work, but something happen to my frenz... maybe can be say as terrible, as i know ppl tend to be weak in this type of stuffs... i have to accompany them, be there... haiz... its ok, i know tonight still can see him de la...

now it time to forget my stupid, scary dream, n be prepare to help my frenz, hope today my xin li yi shen de genes is workin ar... life is always full of turns, up n down eh... its ok, we will face all n win it ^^ YEAH!!!!!!!

Will you ever notice me...

~~Thursday, May 10, 2007~~

5:27:00 PM

Ytd was a day with mix emotion, but i felt so safe, so xin fu, a feelin which i have lost so long ago. n its back... its been so long since i have this feelin, its so safe, so cared, the security of it, make my heart feel so at peace. I juz suddenly forget my pain for that moment, how i wish, the time will juz freeze n nv move... I m so glad, its really m so happy... yet certain past is torturin me... yet, that certain assurance bring me to life, yet indule fear in me at the same time... shockin may suit it more... though the feelin still lingin within me now... yet i kinda greed for alittle more... i m smiling again, from deep within my heart... i like this bright light... pls continue to shine, so i can truely smile n luff, n not juz a mask, to make my frenz not worried n be happy...

Time flew when someone is happy, Ytd i reach home at 3plus in the mornin, kinda late, i know, i also know that my parents are worried, but well, they show it in a wrong way, makin me very piss, juz keep yellin at me... haha... YTd when workin, time flew too, that is a good thing, n today, there is a good sign, my appetite seem to be returnin, finally after 4days, today is the 5th day... i have some appetite to eat alittle... but my fever keep come n go, but its ok, its din worry me much... i m happy, really very happy... workin may not be as bad, dependin on how u look, n by the end of the day, i m always rewarded... keke, only i know wat i mean, so many happy momeries, i will keep recall it, hopin one day, i may forget bout that scary past... or let it replace it, make me smile... a true n real smile, not a fake one.... =)

i m tired, feelin so sleepy... maybe a nap will help..... i felt so safe, to take a rest now... a break from all the battle... let hope all this aint a dream... cuz i wan it to be true... i like this dream, yet... i know of the consequences... n the endin wont be a nice ones, its fact, it will be a little rough, yet why m i willin to enbark on this journey. i also not sure... if i really wan make this choice, den i beta be prepared to take on watever that will come my way... so let juz dream on for now, n don care so much, don worry at all, be happy n don wakey from this dream first... at least let me enjoy it first???? nitez nitez first...... pls don wake me from this beautiful sweet dream, yet, knowin its a nightmare, i wanna travel on...... baka, donno wat this cinderalla thinkin............. yet, pls support me on, pls pls pls, cuz for now, i m happy, its make me happy... I don need the answer yet, i enjoy the process... for now... the answer, let the future unreveal it......

Will you ever notice me...

~~Wednesday, May 09, 2007~~

2:59:00 PM

This two days, i have been hangin out late, i went out after work... well, wat to do, i end work late, i juz don feel like going home la, is always so noisy, always there is yellin n scoldin, they are always scoldin me, i wan more freedom, more time to myself, do wat i wan, enjoy abit.. i m feelin so stress up le, this is turnin me off, makin me don wan go home, outside is coolin, its enjoyment.

Ytd i burst out cryin, i cant control it, makin me don wan go home... so stress up... so, zz, but lucky to have "BD" de company, haha, well, i don like to cry in front of him, i wan ppl to see a happy me, smiling will make them smile too, he told me alot more of his family, haha, i got certain answer so deep in me, haha, i don be xin li yi sheng, very wasted.. haha...

Ytd, XiaoP very ke lian also. ytd her senior keep nag her, keep say n say, its ok, she can tolerate, den one thing her senior say, really shock her, hit her line... she say,"the one u should careful is the one wearin blue, u already got eye-on." Wa, wat a shock lor, its really hit her limit, she try so hard to control her tears, thinkin of happy thing to make her smile, she seem so happy, till after work, when she is alone, she breakdown cryin...

Tonight, i m going out too, i like the scenery outside, so nice, beta den at home, where i can sit alone n think, i m so scare of being lonely, yet, its nice to be quiet, though i m scare, cuz quiet make me lonely n sad, cuz its make my memories return to me, may cuz me to cry, i dislike too much noise pollution... sometime truth hurt, yet, it also give us a reason to live on... or fight on? i should be less sotong, always injuried myself...

Will you ever notice me...

~~Saturday, May 05, 2007~~

7:00:00 PM

Today is my off day, so lucky eh, yet its so bored, nowhere to go, at home rottin, yet i got no idea where i wanna go too. By restin at home is so sian also, my mind seem to be keep runnin ard, anyhow think, its bad... its make me feel sad n stone...

Juz now i went out with my ex-colleague(cartel de [li tong]) haha, she stay quite near also... den we went to amk hub gai gai, den we look at clothes n nice cute stuffs, hehe, gal ar galssss... at least, i found some gal to gai with me, i don really get so well with gal de wor.. hehe... we are bout the same height too. hehe, happy... at least that cheer me up.

Today i did took a bus, but i drop two stop later n i walk home, cuz i don really feel like going home... walkin can relax me, cuz i feelin quite lonely n moody... hehe, mayve cuz off day, den nth to do, den my brain anyhow think or wat gua... haha, should keep myself busy eh.

"BD" give me a call, haha... haiz, alot going thru my mind, i m full or surprise n confusion... nvm, time will slowly unreveal all eh.. i trust it totally.

Bluey been so busy lately, cant really seem to chat with him, he always seem to be so tired, i so miss him.. haiz... donno la... wat does destiny have in lie for me, wat is up ahead, i really donno, but its ok, i shall walk a step n see, i can handle it de, bring it all on ^3^.

Will you ever notice me...

~~Friday, May 04, 2007~~

11:00:00 PM

Haha, i m always me, i will nv change, like a leopard nv change its spot eh... m i really a cheerful gal? or juz that, its easy to make me smile? haha... i also cant tell wor... but i know that i m very deep... wow, so happy tml off day, i got so much to say, but in such a short time to blog, think i will tell u all a little, hehe, to make u all heart itchy itchy, wakakaka, so evil of me eh.

Actually ytd is a happenin day, i m happy den sad, den angry, den so touch, den happy again, hahaha, ytd i also took that bus driver bus, n on the journey, quite funny thing happen, ytd mornin also... mami say, maybe they not going to grandpa hse, scare if they go, den i m alone at home, den i cant wakey in time... haha, now i m not only a sotong, but a little pig eh.. hahaha.... today, juz now i was very angry at work too... its ok... i complain to u tml ok, den i will feel beta, haha... life is so unfair i guess, well, nth is really fair la, fair or not, is ownself jugde de, one may feel fair, while the same thing may felt unfair to the other person. Chim hor!

Haha, everyone got prob, but pls rmb, frenz are there for u, not to only pose there like a statue de la... haha... Gambateh, time will tell all, slowly la, u still young oooh, but need someone talk to, i m always there eh ^^ i totally understand the trouble of love-triangle. Wa, tml i off, i haven think of where to go wor... see how ba...

Will you ever notice me...

~~Wednesday, May 02, 2007~~

12:00:00 PM

so many thing goin thru my mind. i m very tired le... really very tired le... sometime, i don even know who m i, its tired to lie to myself... its even more tired den to lie to others... who really m i, why do i felt like i got a deep deep secret which i myself donno?

ytd night have stupid dreams again, haiz... oh well, wat to do... this few days at work, i m so angry n piss off.. they are practically overbearin n unreasonable... fuck-up bitch la!. they do wat they want, anyhow throw me to do stuffs. not happy den vent their anger on me?

Poor XiaoP, she also suffer alot of injustice lately. That day, she reach before 5, but her senior say she is late, n say she always late, wtf lor, at least she reach before 5, which she is suppose to start work. this is call late? i know they need reach 15min before, but so early for wat? den that night, her duty is housekeepin, so she need top upthe napkin n chopstick. But when she top-up till section C, one of the container for chopstick is missin, so she ask who is charge of there, n ask where is it, cuz if its really missin, the next day, she will be scolded de, so she ask n ask, den they ask her to ask her senior, cuz she in charge of that section juz now, den she founded her, n ask politely, but who know, her senior juz yell at her, n scolded her, wtf, XiaoP so innocent lor, fuckin bitch, like that vent her anger on XiaoP. Den, ytd also... she last min, anyhow throw XiaoP into bar, without sayin, den so many bar order, den say XiaoP slow, pls lor, she try stay one day inside, on those busy day n see la... Zz, bully XiaoP.

Feelin so cold.. think i m fallin sick... anyway, one phrase for me " 人家氣我我不氣我諾氣時中他計要是氣死沒人替想想還是別生氣 " so no appetite...

Actually lately, things are bothering me... so fan, its so draggy, so insecure, i need that assurance, but lotsa time is needa, its kinda like a torture, but, haiz...my heart feel so ache... love or don love? alot went thru my mind, i donno wat to do. don wan think, yet i cant control. i rather avoid n ignore n run. noone to turn to, cuz even if they got advice, choice is still mine, why ask when i know the answer? why ask when i don wan to listen? why wan know when i care too much till its only hurt me?

Will you ever notice me...