*[[ Angel full of Lღve]]*

~~Tuesday, September 25, 2007~~

7:18:00 PM

Today i went for a job interview at TTSH, wow, inside got 4 ppl 3 other to interview me, wow, i kinda burst into cold sweat, but lucky i believe in my own luck n confident, well, i din stummer on my own words, hehe, watever qn that they aimed at me, i return them an answer straight away, its as if, i gave a rite answer, as i can see their eye glitherin with impress. hehe, but i beta don be over-confident, afteral need wait call la, but den again, its real, the qn the ask, n my answer, its as if, abit of truthful and addin abit of curry favouring. hehe.

Last night, bad images flashes in front of my eyes. i almost took my own life again, haiz... i can even see till the next day, when mum open my door n saw me still aslp, leavin me alone, den till evenin time, my face turn so pale, till she think something wrong, n after touchin me, i felt so cold, when flipin open the blanket and saw the pool of blood, shock? desvastated? omg, how come i can see all this, i cant stop cryin, cant slp, thing are bothering me, but its all my tots, till juz now, my sec sch frenz give me a call, she havin prob... helpin n talkin to her, make me feel so needed, not so failure...

Well.. i love ZFM, its being very tiring n torture, so wat if today is mooncake festival. errr, think i out of topic, lols, beta pull back, well, i donno why everything that got to do with him, i got extra nervous, donno wat to do, i wan protect him too, but yet i always did it wrong, i m so scare of losin him. yet i donno wat to do, how to pull him tight, the feelin of insecure. I m a typical cancer gal, i always need ppl to assure me the sense of security, i can change mood four time a days, always feelin lonely, if wan play mia, the most 4 days, if not.. but den again, one day without him is already so hard.... i know he got his own life, n he don need me at all... WHO CAN TEACH ME WAT TO DO N HOW?! Qi Yue a~ save me pls!! teach me how to handle a devil. I juz wan a sign, a hug? or watever. well, at least he msg me at 5am tell he sry he busy. Pray i get a job fast, den i no time to think so much. leave it to fates, easy say den done. I cant help but thinkin, to FM, i belong to the gray area between frenzship and love gua. We are more den juz mere gd frenz, but we aint couple also...

How i wish, there is really faeries in this world, den i will wish n wish... lols... but den, under the power of magic, its aint real... how come he wont feel lonely? don he need someone accompany too? Nvm, let give myself a dateline ba... no point fightin a battle with no end... always thinkin by myself, with noone to help or givin me clue or answer... Xmas day ba... but can i really do it.... i wonder....

Will you ever notice me...