im having a bad n sad day today. this go from bad to worst to even worst since ytd. things jus feel wrong. i feel so ignored. i feel like im being avoided. should i move away from all? im not happy.. not truely happy. something can make me feel happy thou. but.. when will it happen. the duration of waitin is painful.. but there nothing more i can do. i cant push. i cant rush. i need help too. but idk wat to do. i wish for some answer i hope. but certain things cant be force. i wanna be leave alone by other things else.

right now i cant think straight. i feel so insecure that my mind run n i start to doubt more. its wrong but i cant help it. typical cancerious girl. its so wrong. im gettin panicky n sensitive. it hurt... i needa distract my mind. idk wat to do. sometime idk wat to do. one hand no matter how i clap. there wont be a sound..

i cant even type out wat on my mind now. CRAP IT!!!!!!!!!!

why is everyone picking on me. i jus wanna have some peace n quiet. i. m jus an average girl. i jus wanna have fun, be love too.. =(

i shouldnt be so free. my mind wonder... as time past. as im listening to some song. u come to mind. its a pain. an ache i got.. i really know wat i wan.. but.. sigh...

its hard for couple to break up n stay friend. cos the feelin is still there.. its painful for everyone. its shouldnt stay that way. but why cant people understand. today i read a passage... its so true... im jus quote the right part..

"老公，你手机来电话啦！”
(hubby, ur phone is ringing)

男：喂？
(M: hello?)
女：喂，你……吗？
(W: hello, is that... you?)
男：是，你是谁？
(M: Yes. who are you?)
女：我是……
(W: I am.......)
男：噢，你啊！找我有事吗？
(M: oh, is you! wat up?)
女：你能出来一下吗？我在你们家外面的。
(W: can u come out for awhile? im jus outside ur house.)

“去吧？老公我相信你”
(go ahead. i trust u hubby.)

女：喝茶吧！
(W: drink some tea)
男：什么事快说吧！这么晚了。我不放心我老婆一个人在家，她怕黑。
(M: wat izzi? jus speak ur mind! its getting late. im worried bout leaving my wife alone at home, she afraid of the dark.)
女：我离婚了！
(W: i have divorce!)
男：为什么啊！你老公不是很爱你吗？
(M: why?! thought your husband love u lots?)
女：他这个混蛋，他背着我搞了小三，呜呜呜呜
(W: that jerk, he has a mistress behind me, huhuhuhu[cryin sound])
男：好了，别伤心了，你还年轻，还有更好的等着你……
(M: okay, don be sad already, ur still young. there are better one waiting for you....)
女：你恨我吗？
(W: do u hate me?)
男：一切都过去了。我现在把你当朋友，没有什么恨不恨。
(M: everything is over, now i only treat u as a friend, there nothing to be hate)
女：真的？
(W: for real?)
男：呵呵当然，我有和你说过谎吗？
(M: keke of course, since when had i lied to u?)
女：你还爱我吗？
(W: do u still love me?)
男：……爱
(M: ..... yes)
女：我们结婚吧，我一定会做一个贤妻良母。
(W: let get married, i will be a good wife and mother)
男：我有妻子了，我和她上个星期刚领的结婚证，再过两个月就结婚了。
(M: i already have a wife, we got engage last week, goin to get married in two months times)
女：不是还没结婚吗？
(W: well. ur not married yet)
男：不可以，她真的很爱我，我不能伤害她。
(M: Cant, she really love me, i cant hurt her.)
女：你不好意思我去说……
(W: if ur shy. i can help u tell her.....)
男：那也不行。
(M: that wont work either)
女：呜呜，为什么？
(W: huhu, why?)
男：因为我是男人，所以不可以。
(M: becos im a man, therefore, NO.)
女：我想知道是具体为什么 你还爱我，而且我也还爱你，为什么就不能再一起？
(W: i wanna know exactly why. u still love me, n i still love u, so why cant we be together?)
男：你真想知道为什么？
(M: u really wanna know why?)
女：嗯。
(W: yes)
男：1：是一个人 ，我知道爱上一个人不容易更知道被伤后有多痛苦，所以我不能离开她。
(M: 1stly, as a person. i know that fallin for someone is not an easy task, i also knew how much the pain hurt after gettin hurt, therefore i cant leave her.)
2：之所以决定结婚是因为我决定了，这一辈选定她了，选定她就是我这辈子唯一的女人。不管以后说什么话都以不愧于她为标准，做什么事都以不背叛她为原则，不管以后我们遇见的是风还是雨，我都会站在最前面为她挡风挡雨。
(2ndly, The decision to get married because I decided that this lifetime i have choosen her. Selected her as the only woman of my life. Regardless of the future to say anything, Worthy of her as the standard. do everything with the principle of not betraying her, regardless of wat we met in the future, be it rain or shine. i will sheild the rain n wind for her.)
3：她很爱我，她很傻，很善良 她不管做什么事都处处为我着想。
我今天来都是经过她的劝说我才来的，她相信我，相信我不会对不起她，她决定嫁给我，就是决定把她的一生给了我。
女人的一生是不允许被践踏的。
(3rdly, she love me alot. she is silly, very kind. regardless wat she do, she do it thinkin for me and for my sake. today, i will turn up is also after she persuade me to come, she believe in me, trust that i wont let her down, she decided to marry me, that mean she decided to give her whole life to me. A woman's life is not allowed to be trampled on)
明白吗？
(do u understand?)
女：懂了……
(W: understood.....)

“世界上有两种美，外在美：它能满足你的面子，但不定能给一生的幸福。
内在美：它虽然不能给足你面子但它一定能给你一生幸福，女人——……面子重要……还是幸福重要……”
(there two type of beauty in the world, one on the outside, which can satisfy n give u face, but uncertain to give a lifetime of happiness. while the inner beauty: it cant give u face but it can certainly give a lifetime of happinesss. so to a woman, face or happiness more impt?)

女：做个朋友可以吗？
(W: can we be friend?)
男：不要了，我不需要女朋友以外的女性朋友！
(M: don need, i don need any female friend other den my girlfriend!)
女：为什么？说理由
(W: why? tell me reason)
男：第一，没有共同语言，我平时玩的东西你们女孩子也不喜欢玩；第二，你满足不了我女朋友可以给我的需求；等三，我没时间和你逛街吃饭什么的，那是陪女朋友做的事；第四，我女朋友会吃醋。所以何必呢？
(M: 1stly, there no common language,i usually play things that you girls do not like to play; Secondly, you can not satisfy my needs that my girlfriend can give, thirdly, I do not have time to go shopping with you, or to eat. that is things to be done with my girlfriend; the fourth, my girlfriend will be jealous. So for what?)

男人最骄傲的不是睡过多少女人，而是能有一个女人愿意让他睡一辈子。
(The man most proud of is not how many women he slept with before, but a woman willing to sleep with him forever.)
女人最骄傲的不是拥有多少男人，而是她的男人愿意为他拒绝多少女人。
(Woman is most proud of is not the number of men she had, but how many women her man could refused and only wan her.)

男人，要经得起诱惑！！！！！！
(Men, need to withstand the temptation! ! ! ! ! !)
女人，要耐得起寂寞！！！！！！
(Woman, need to be resistant to loneliness! ! ! ! ! ! )