A mail to heaven for Keith Dwayne Helton (plumber/hon) Good bye my most handsome man in my life. There are alot of things which i did not say. But you know them. Cause you know me so well. You can read through me. But mostly, you know i love you.. i have known you for almost 2 and a half years, we dated for exactly 8 months. So near your birthday... i miss you. I wish so badly you be bad. I am sad, you did not keep your promise like you usually do. I really love you kiki, what bout our plan. Now what am i to do without you? You plannin to marry me, coming here.. i know you wan me happy. But how to be happy when you are the reason? I feel lost and empty. Its my loss. Your a great guy. The best ever. Noone can replace you ever.. you are always there for me.. you set alarm clock just to wake up to text me and company me till i reach home safely. text me till i fall asleep on you cause you are so comfy(you are never boring to me). wait till i woke up and look for you (your always the last person on my mind and person i think of when i wake up) and you text and company me till i reach my work, go to bank, finish bank and start work again, den you will go to bed. and wait till i am off work.. you accept all my flaw. and still love me.. you don mind me being so fat and ugly.. and you don mind me being soo clingy to you. infact, you like it. your happy i spend every mins with you. your always there listening to my every whine. every rage. every rumbled, there when i play league of legend and said i made weird little noises but you have never mind them, you laugh at my every weird comment.. but your laughter make me so happy. make me smile... you always put me first.. pampered me and spoilt me. for the first time in forever. i felt like a princess.. your the first to send me a gift from so far.. roses infact. flowers.. pretty ones.. and teddybears. now i have a pair and i am happy bout them.. i am still curious. why did u actually got for my bday which will never arrive.. i know you wanna get me phone. which will not happen now. make me unsure if i wan to change phone.. this whole 8month. i have felt nothing but loved, care, happiness.. you been the best. you been my everything. the reason of my joy. that why i am ready to say yes to you. cause i already knew for sure. your my red thread of fate.. a true love... been.. 5days... i still in denial. people say you will be waitin for me up there even if i take another 75yeaars. i know you will but there are other factor. yes i think too much. i don wan u watching me marry others. i wanna join you now. but yet. i know i cant join you now. if i kill myself. they will keep me away from you too. life is so unfair. mom try to comfort me saying your not meant in this life.. krakkers ask me to read the bible texas ppl believe so that i can reach you. and god have a course for me. all i need to do, is see through it. and you will be at the end of it, taking me back.. letting me be ur juliet again.. i know today is ur funeral.. i will continue to be sunny's mom. i love her. i love you more. its so hard to explain. so hard to accept.. cos so strongly in my heart. we both know. we are the right match.. you accept my every flaw. you gave in to me, you never find me boring. you smile at my silly joke. and you say i make you happy. there will never be anyone else like you. you heal me and taught me how to love again.. but now. i feel like my heart die the same day you die.. its gone with you.. cause i only love you.. i am like a loss sheep now.. people try comfort me. but its sound like rubbin salt. i dono why m i in so much denial. and i am in totally sucidal. i am trying. i know you wan me happy.. its like. we know what we are both thinking and what we wan. but its so hard.. what i wan right now.. :) ITS YOU... i need you. i don wan to be without you at all.. i hope a mircale happen and you wake up in a few hours. i don care if you come back as a vampire. cause its you. please god. let mircale happen. please. i cant be without him... his my everything.. mom say. in life we must treasure ppl. and i said. sometimes even if you treasure them its useless. when god wanna take anyone. he just take. its not fair...... we both know you are healing well. you are gettin well. you are stayin alive so we can meet and finally be together.. but sometimes the spirit is strong. the body give way. i think you work too hard.. sick and still working hard. i am sorry i deny your bacon. i will make up to you when we meet again. please please please wait for me. i wan to be ur juliet once again. in our afterlife. i love you keith. you do know that i love you right... stay with me. i will try to hide my pain and smile. cos i know god will only let u visit me if i smile. let u see happy things as an angel.. stay near me, till my time is up, so that you be the first person i see, and take my hand. please hold my hand every night, let me dream of you.. i have so much to tell you... wish i have more time...